How to split your finances with your lover

Money is one of - if not the primary - leading cause of separation and divorce. Ouch. 

But babe, it doesn't have to be so complex... and there is a solution to  navigating money with your partner that is totally stress-free. Money should be fun and easy - after all, it's a tool to help us live our life.

xo
Simone

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If you want to keep on earn more and make more money you're in the right place. I've spent over 10 years learning from the most brilliant minds in money, wealth, and investing to take myself from 20 K in debt to a seven figure investment portfolio. Join in. As I share the secrets towards more growth, money investing and ultimately freedom. My name is Simone Masa, Huggins, and welcome to ms. Wealthy's kiss my money podcast.

Um, okay. The big V day just being in gone and a pretty good opportunity to talk about love and money. Um, such a heavy topic I've got to say, and so much comes up around this and, and actually, I'm really glad I'm doing this. And just as a side note, Oh my God. I learned so much from you guys. Uh, this app is actually because it's come out of a hearing from a couple of the investing bootcamp members. When we were doing the money mastery session around literally mastering your finances, setting up your accounts, learning to properly save and putting, setting yourself up for honestly long term success. And it's the same system I use to this day. It's a system I use and implement with my clients to get out of debt. It's what I used to get myself out of debt. Um, it's what allows me or us and my husband and I to save 20% of everything that we earn and invest it.

Um, and something came up when the women were talking about how they split their money and what they do with their finances, with their partner. And I really wanted to talk about it because it made me realize and fully understand. And it's just, it's just stuff that I've spoken about before I forget. Right? Like I forget when you come so far in something, you forget that actually it's not necessarily how everyone else does it. It's not how it's done. Um, and some of this basic stuff is not known. Right. And what came up was, uh, we were talking about like splitting your money and where even if you're not married, but you're living together or you're engaged, obviously you have the view of being together forever. Like, especially if you're in cage, right? And so the view is for you to, well, merge your finances because you are a couple like you're in this together and particularly, and us best Shelly.

If you have kids, this is a 100%. Yes. Has to be matched if you have kids, because there's none of this, I paid for the kids for this. Or, you know, you paid for that or whatever it is. That's not how it works. You are in this together, you guys, but we're also talking about how it's really important to have your own money, your own account that your other half does not have access to. And this is for a number of reasons, but let me back up a bit, I'm like first up, because I want to talk about, even if you earn more or you earn less than your partner, like there are going to be fluctuations in your life together when maybe one of you doesn't add a lot of money or, you know, you get my redundant or you decide to take a break, like whatever it is.

And, uh, what I do know is that not everyone at the such a massive disparity, um, in how people manage their finances, some people merge them together and don't have any individual accounts. So everything's together. And then, um, you know, what I hear is that one another we'll like talk about big expensive purchases. What's interesting is that often the female. Cause I talk about, I talked about this with couples. Um, it's so fun being my friend, cause I probe into everyone's money stuff, even your friend and like, you're not into like, you know, finance and wealth growth. Um, but most of the time men always so open about talking about it. Um, my male friends, um, and as a girl, obviously with my girlfriends, they're pretty open and vulnerable with me. But um, when it comes to my couple friends, you know, like I'm always interested to know about how they, how they manage and split their finances.

Right. And what's interesting is that when the everything's merged in the couple of friends that I have when everything's merged together and you don't have your own accounts, the woman, the female in the relationship, almost a hundred percent of the time talk about, um, asking permission or getting agreements on like any big purchases and big quote unquote big purchase will be different to everyone. Like what that level is. It will be different for everyone that might be a thousand dollars. That might be $2,000. That might be $500. Right. Um, and over you say the frequency that you're doing that, like if you're making a thousand dollar purchase every week, then that's an issue. But, um, and you know, like not talking about it, but what the guy's approach will be is to make the decision. And then, um, talk about it later. Like they don't go off and ask permission, particularly if it's like a one thing because of like, well, you know, it's my money too.

And I put money into this relationship too, and it's not like I go and spend that money like every week and I'm making the decision. And even if my partner like, didn't want it, like, this is important to me and we can work it out. And even if like she wants to spend that equal amount on something that she wants, then like, cool. But like, this is important to me kind of thing. And so it's just really always interested with that. That happened. I hear that time and time and time again, that's just not like a one off account. And it's really interesting to hear the different male versus female approach when it comes to finances around this. And, um, the, you know, this doesn't just apply to splitting your money either. I see that in other areas of life of like, there's this like air of competence, this kind of just like taking charge element around money and finance that men just tend to, you know, on average I'm stereotyping, um, do that more.

They tend to take, take charge more of their finances around money and women less so, but when it comes to splitting money. And so for those couples that literally split all of their accounts and don't have any joint stuff, um, what happens is there's always then one player who earns less that is kind of like left behind in some ways. And then the other person that kinda like picks up the Slack. And so what I see a lot is, um, you know, the one that earns more will pay for more things. So they'll pay for dinners or, um, maybe they'll pick up the grocery tab more often or like whatever it is, but then they'll split everything else with rent and bills. And that's kinda like, basically it, but then what happens is that person, the one that earns more will then have more spending, more discretionary spending.

Um, so they buy more toys or buy more clothes. And the other person's kind of like left in this relationship of like not having the same. And there's like this difference in a quality and somebody who might go well. Yeah, but they earn more. And so it's their money. But if you're in a relationship together and you in this together, like why would you say like join everything else. You know, having a conjoined living environment, having, you know, sharing your time together, like doing everything else together, but then split money. I have never understood this. I just, I don't get how it works. And I don't understand how it actually helps your relationship. And there is no right or wrong. It's like what works for you guys? But I've always seen it as it doesn't help it hinders. And so what I teach, and this is something that isn't obvious to a lot of people.

And so maybe this might be an eye opener is, um, joining everything. So everything goes into the one account together, but you have your own account and you get equal pay into them regardless, regardless of what each of you. And so both of your pay, whether you're a business owner or you're a career woman, whatever, both get put into one, you know, same account, like one account, everything comes out of that. Like everything comes out of all the sub accounts and I'm not going to go into detail cause I'd teach this and like way more freaking detail of how to actually set up your accounts. Um, but you know, the bills and rent come out of one account. Like you have your weekly spending money for like groceries and blah, blah, blah, and all that sort of stuff. Then you have your future savings like amounts.

And that all comes from that main account that both pay gets paid into. But then you also have your own account. That is a transaction account, has a card account linked to it. And you both don't have visibility of that one account, but you both get paid the same amount and you can decide whatever that is. Maybe it's a hundred dollars, wait, maybe it's $200 a week age. Maybe it's like, whatever. And then it's just spend on whatever you want. That's not for groceries. You guys, it's not for rent or bills. That is literally just for you to spend. That's like your blow amount, your play amount, like whatever. And you can decide to save a portion of it. You know, if you want to buy clothes every month or you can decide to like spend it every week, like whatever, but it's also, it's like, it's not enough for you to actually save to a holiday.

Cause that should be done to get that. Um, or if you want to have, you know, take separate holidays than split the holiday account that comes out of your main joint pay account. But the reason that this, this two reasons for this happening one is you should be financially independent enough to have your money and spend your money. Yeah. Um, but at the same time also, well, if you're loving long longterm committed, like for the rest of your life relationship, then you should also join everything because then what happens if one person takes time off? And what happens if your kids like in most of the time, it is the female. That is the caregiver, uh, is the stay at home parent for at least a period of time. And so what is gonna happen there? Like what happens in a split finance situation? This, this is, this becomes very muddled to me.

Like what happens if you don't join finances? Like then what you have zero pay in your account? Like what, um, what happens if your, you know, decide to take some time off work and your partner supports you, but you don't probably talk about the finance side of it. Um, and so a, you need to do it together so that you're supported when you take on a different role, a non-paying role of caregiver or mother, or, you know, parent stay at home, mom, whatever you want to call it. Um, and that you still have your own accounts. So even when you transitioned into that role of not receiving an income for the work you do as a mother, then you still get paid a income portion, which is exactly equal value that your partner gets into your own account. Is this making sense? I feel like it's so hard to explain without the visual, which is the only downside of a pocket.

Um, but this is why it's so important because, um, you, then you still have your own money because you still spend money. Like you still want to buy clothes and get your head on and like whatever else, and like go out to coffee with friends or, you know, take yourself to the movies or like do something or, you know, get pedicures or like all sort of stuff yourself. And so you don't want to be like going off to your partner or can I spend this money every time you want to spend $50? Like that is, that is dehumanizing. I am going to go there with a severe word, but like, that is just not, Oh, K, you need to have your own money. Right. And when you decide to have kids together, like you're going in it together. And if you were deciding to go in at alone, then you would have set yourself up financially to have your own like money, if you, if you ever decided that.

Right. Um, and so therefore you would never be in a situation where you didn't have your own income yourself to spend and to live off. Um, so why would it be any different when in a partner situation to have there to support you? Um, you're doing the emotional legwork and the other reason, this is really important, even if you never decide to have kids or whatever, is that, what if one of you want to spend more money? Like how many of you actually have really challenging conversations about money, about spending? Like what if your partner likes buying PlayStation games? I don't know. Or what does your partner likes buying? Like, I don't even know. Or like, like spending $200 a week on beer at the pub with his mates, like, like, I don't know, whatever it is. Can you write in and tell me, could you like message me and tell me what drives you crazy with what your partner spends money on?

I'd love to know. I like to geek out on this stuff. You guys, um, and then on the flip side, do you ever have, you know, fights or conversations or like tension about how much you're spending on clothes or how much your spending on beauty or like how much did your spending on cocktails with friends? Like, and then do you also ever feel guilt because, Oh, I don't know. Like maybe I'm not I'm spending too much or, um, do you ever feel anger? Like he's spending too much and I should spend more or like, whatever it is and that tension causes massive riffs in couples, that tension is always the top three reason why people break up or get divorced money is always in the top three, if not the leading or if not number two, like it is just like consistently a massive deal.

And it's really important, not only to talk about money with your partner and have money dates and like sit down and like discuss all of the stuff that maybe, you know, about your limiting beliefs, about your stories you have in your head about your opinions around money, about how you should split finances about how you feel about each other's pay about like, like talk about it, right. I actually put in time and spend to spend time talking about it and not in a heated way when either one of you just get angry. But, uh, so we do this. This is how my partner and I, my husband and I paid split our finances. And so it's regardless of how much he or I earn, we both get income into our own accounts. And we both don't question what each other spends, you know, what's really cool about this too, is that then you can go and buy presents for your partner and it come from your money.

Isn't that weird when you, when you have joint finances and then you go and buy presence, like what, because it comes out of the joint account. And so when you don't have your own money, it actually like, it actually makes it really special when you have your own account, because you're spending your money, like your allocation on someone else it's like actually special. Right. Um, and so it actually makes a really big difference on the energy exchange. So that's how we do it. That's how we've done it for a really long time. Um, and it's, regardless of whether he owns more iron more, and it's not going to change when either of those things like flip or switch, right. And obviously we have big conversations about any major expenses, but if I want to go and spend a thousand dollars in something, then I'm going to go and spend a thousand fucking dollars on it because I have my own money and I can decide to like, save up a bit from what I get weekly or whatever, or monthly, or I can decide that, you know, like it's something that I'm going to take on myself, but I can come from a decision in an empowered way because I have my own money and it's not, I never, ever, and I don't want any of you ever to be in a position where you have to ask permission to have something from someone else I'm going to, like, if you have kids in the background, like put your mouse around them right now.

But like, seriously, fuck that. That is the most disempowering position to ever be in. You are a worthy woman, literally capable of doing anything you want in your life and having to ask someone else, if you're allowed to spend something that you want on your soul level, higher level, even if you just fucking want it, are you kidding me? You have to ask someone else. If you're all loud, like enough, that is a 1950s thinking for F sake. Now I'm not, I'm not saying go and spend $40,000 in a car without asking your hobby. Um, and not having a discussion about it. But like, if you have your own account and your own money, you can spend whatever the F you want. Right? Like obviously bigger things are going to warrant a discussion like, yeah. And you should communicate and you should talk about it, but you also shouldn't have to ask permission on something that you want for yourself that you know, is going to expand you or bring you joy that, you know, is realistic for you to spend money on because you earned and earn money.

So I just find like, you need to have your own cash. You all, you need to like, control your own money to a degree. Yeah. But it should also, the majority of it should be split because the majority of your living expenses, the majority of your life, um, is, is joint money, right. It is realistically joined and, you know, future investing that should be like, talked about together and what I love seeing, and this is also why it's just so ball, like all the investing boot camp money babes are just like this had a badass is because I just, I love hearing the stories about how the husbands are watching and learning, um, with their partners, like with their wives and learning and just seeing their wives, um, or partners like learn and do it and take control over the finances and take control over wealth building and just seeing the reactions from some of the guys.

Um, it's just, it's so warming. I just love hearing the stories. Um, and, um, I'm going to end on this. Um, actually a funny something that one of my friends is actually my husband's friend, a guy friend, um, we're talking about finance and, uh, when he came over one time, my husband's in the shower and, um, we were all going out for dinner and we're kind of, we're talking about finance and stuff. And he was asking questions about what I do and all the sort of stuff. And we're talking about investing, right. And then he just kinda like stops and like looks at me. And he goes, it's so hot when women talk about like money and wealth. And I just had to laugh because that is not a, the first time I've heard it. And it's also true. Like, not just from guys find it sexy perspective, but it is fucking hot.

It is hot when women talk about money and wealth and, uh, do it and like feel empowered around money and wealth creation. It is sexy. Like, and I just, I want to encourage all of you to step into that power, like step into your power on money and wealth creation, step into the sexiness around it, like step into like feeling good and feeling the power around it in a good way. Right. And I really want to honor you all because you're all here listening to this right now, like doing the work I'm getting into it and like feeling a brain and soul with this stuff. And so like kudos and good on you. Alright. I really hope this has been helpful. And this has given you even just food for thought about how you manage your money, split your finance with your partner. And even just to like start having more conversations and more open conversations around your money stuff.

Um, side note, I am going to for real interview my husband on an upcoming episode around money because so many people ask me about this. Um, and so I want to open it up and give him some of that perspective. Um, we've been together 14 years married for like a little over eight and, you know, like I still have massive money lessons from him. Uh, he still teaches me incredible things around money and wealth, even though I manage all of our investments. And, um, I manage all of our accounts. Um, that's it only final note is, and I announced this last episode, if you haven't already, I would love for you to share the podcast with friends, um, and tell more women to empower them around their finances and money too. And I am doing a monthly prize. All you got to do is put a review up on iTunes or wherever you do your reviews, take a screenshot and send it to me either at hello at ms. wealthy.com or on Instagram or on Facebook, whatever. And I will, well, my team will put you into the, the monthly prize draw, uh, because I just love my podcast listeners. I love hearing from you. And I want to expand this even more so we can empower more women. All right, babes. I'll see you next week.